12 October 2007

A Poem After Six Months

My son Jeff died six months ago today. It is hard to know quite what to say or do. It is excruciating to be without him. Every day.

It is the Shape I am Speaking Of *
Linda Gregg

It is the weight more than the night.
The universe with its speed limits.
With its sound barriers, its shape
more than the stars. My body more
than the talking. We don't know
for certain, but we think it is
the shape of an animal.
I imagine I am carrying a box
with darkness in it. I believe
it contains the other. It has
the weight.
* Linda Greg. 2006. In the Middle Distance. Graywolf Press. page 60.

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Anonymous brendadada said...

Oh Jim, is it really only six months? My heart goes out to you.

Those obvious things, give yourself some treats, get hugged, they all work, in a way. Quite what they work at, I have never known. But it does lessen, it does become more manageable.

12 October, 2007 13:53  
Blogger Cynthia said...

Heart break, death. Weeping that will never end and yet they say, you must go on. Loss. Ypsilanti and Elvis Costello. This depth of sadness knows no common ground, no friend. It is in solitude that we mourn though we are surrounded by those who want to help. Why do we survive? How can I allow myself to find joy when my heart is gone.

I am sorry for your loss.


12 October, 2007 17:30  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michiko Dead
by Jack Gilbert

He manages like somebody carrying a box
that is too heavy, first with his arms
underneath. When their strength gives out,
he moves the hands forward, hooking them
on the corners, pulling the weight against
his chest. He moves his thumbs slightly
when the fingers begin to tire, and it makes
different muscles take over. Afterward,
he carries it on his shoulder, until the blood
drains out of the arm that is stretched up
to steady the box and the arm goes numb. But now
the man can hold underneath again, so that
he can go on without ever putting the box down.

12 October, 2007 18:03  
Anonymous gill said...

i found your blog quite by accident, and like your intelligence. pity there are a homophobes in the world. I understood/relate to life being too short before i read about your son, but now it makes more sense,
I am so sorry. I am not sure if it gets easier or if it does, how much so. I hope you have support and at some point find the meaning that gives you strength to go on celebraing life for your sake, for your son's sake
all the best to you.

14 October, 2007 10:42  
Blogger Jim Johnson said...

To those who left comments relevant to this post thanks.

To the two brave anons who took the opportunity to spew their hatred well ... you are pathetic; hence the delete function.

14 October, 2007 15:51  

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