Talking To My Boys At Christmas
AUGUST: Today I had a very funny and enjoyable phone "conversation" with my youngest son August (age 22 months) who is in California with his mother. After blurting out "pappa" when he heard my voice, August's contrbution to our chat amounted to pushing the cell phone buttons, sniffing, grunting, and breathing very hard into the phone. For my part I reminded him again that "Pappa loves August." I miss my sweet little boy. While I don't have a recent picture of Douglas here is one of his baby brother, taken last month:
JEFFREY: This is the first Christmas since Jeffrey died. I find myself vascillating between smiling at many very fond memories of Jeff's Christmas antics and tears of rage that he is not here. Jeff would be 15 and a half now. This picture is from last year at this time. Jeff, I miss you more than I can say. I love you. In one way or another I've already said those things to your brothers, so here I am saying them to you.
So, that is where things stand with me and my boys: love, pride, sadness, anticipation, longing, joy, loss, happiness .... especially love.